**DOODLES ARE MY MEDITATION **

Side by side Journal pages, detail. Sharpies & acrylic

I wish I could get the meditation thing down. That, and yoga. I've dabbled in both temporarily and sporadically over the years, but never seemed to make either part of my daily life. If I sit and try to consciously meditate, truth be told, I'll probably fall asleep. I am almost always exhausted. Two kiddos, our 3 year old son and our 9 month old daughter, in combination with running a business and doing my best to be a present partner for my wife. I also, rather humbly, fancy myself an artist, and like to sneak in creative time whenever I can as it's damn good for the soul.  Add minimal and often disrupted sleep to the mix, and well, obviously, I'm beat. I could almost always fall asleep at the drop of a hat, anytime, anywhere. When I'm home with the kids, while we play on the floor, I try to avoid lying down, for it is a sure sign that within 3 minutes, my kid will jump on me, "Mommy, you're snoring!" Ok, didn't mean for this to be an "oh, I'm-so-freaking-tired rant." I signed up for all of it. And don't regret a bit of it. However, changes, they are a'comin. Specifically that of our little shop of 7 years closing up within the next 7 weeks. A super tough, but better-in-long-run-and-for-the-family decision. I feel that both the business and my family are only getting blurry sleep-deprived bits and pieces of me and it's not fair to anyone. As I write that, I realize it's the first time I've put it out there in a "public space," if you will. We've been telling people at the shop on an individual basis, and I do have signage in the shop windows...but I keep postponing the inevitable eBlast / Facebook announcement etc...etc... 

I should probably get on that NOW. 

All the doodles in this post have been my way of processing and dealing with the abundance of mixed emotions that have surfaced during this very bittersweet time in my life

Journal, detail. Sharpies

The point of all this, besides the fact that I am easily sidetracked by my own stream of consciousness, is that my exhausted, stressed out, anxiety-ridden brain needs an escape from time to time. For the moment, the best way I've found is to sit down, Sharpie in hand, and begin making marks on the paper. It's repetitive, relaxing, and slightly mind-numbing, the latter of which I totally embrace. Having just written that sentence, I had this overwhelming urge to put this post on hold, and take pen to paper. It's somewhat of an addictive escape, and I can't walk away until it's done. Good thing I don't do wall-size pieces! (Side note: people often ask why I don't "work larger;" I have a need to express whatever needs to get out, if possible, in one sitting. It may be an 8 hour sitting, but I have a very hard time walking away mid-process. On occasion, I may revisit a piece and add to it, but the "original" was almost always considered finished when I walked away. And, if I ever actually create a lager scale work, it's typically comprised of many smaller pieces). 

  

Journal page, detail. Sharpies, colored pencils overlaid with copic markers

 SO...back to the point, I guess. I need active meditation, if such a thing exists. If not, well, that's what I need, and I've just made it up. If I am not doing something, I am likely to pass out. That said, I did nod off while doodling the other night; pools of ink spread where I must have slowly let my pen sit atop the paper. Lines crossed over one another and doubled back. I'm tired. And the fact that I can so easily fall asleep (which my therapist seems pretty certain is not narcolepsy, but pure exhaustion, anxiety and stress...yay, it's so great inside my brain!) and am not even familiar with the concept of simply relaxing...oy, that's another issue I can touch on at some other time. 

And then I thought...why just fill my journal pages with these marks? Make some cards. So I did.
Available in my Etsy shop

Decided to mix it up with some right angles...and really liked the outcome. 
These are also cards, available on Etsy. (Another side note, I know, imagine that! but with the closure of my little shop just weeks away, my intent is to pour myself into my creative outlets, posting on this here blog, filling up my Etsy shop, and hitting the art fair scene this summer. Honestly, I get pretty excited when I think about the possibilities!

A little tricky to tell, but black ink surrounded by shimmery gold ink.

Card detail, red and gray

 After posting some of the above images on my Instagram feed, my crazy-talented, multi-faceted, rad human being of a friend, Shannon, asked if I'd consider being the "featured artist" for her awesome project, #YearOfStitch "Heck, yeah!" Sign me up. In my doodles, she saw inspiration for cross-stitch designs and patterns. Below is what I created for her to share with her followers: a doodly-sketch-pattern to use as a guide, incorporating all the stitches they learned in Q1. You should really check out Shannon's website / tutorial blog BadassCrossStitch as well as all of her other social media outlets, which you'll find on her blog. After seeing samplers from her followers, and "studying" the stitches enough to create the pattern, I'm super tempted to haul out my old cross stitch supplies and start countin'. Because you know that's EXACTLY what I have time for. And so it goes...